satireknightfandomcom-20200214-history
Dennis L. McKiernan
Dennis McKiernan - The Lord of the Seeing Crystal, um, Magic Arrow, uh, oh forget it.... A band of tiny but strong halflings from an idyllic little land join up with a human king-in-waiting, an elf archer and a doughty axe-swinging dwarf who are trying to stop the Evil Dark Lord from taking over the world and enslaving or killing everybody. In a world whose name means "middle world." Yeah, I read it before. And it was a lot better when J.R.R. Tolkien wrote it. Okay, backstory: Dennis McKiernan apparently began writing when he was in a bad motorcycle crash and was immobilized for some months, so he wrote a sequel to Lord of the Rings. Shockity-shock-shocks, you can't actually publish a literal sequel because the Tolkien estate will shut you down so fast your head spins, so he changed the names and a few details.... and then wrote a prequel trilogy with the same basic plot but a few new details, like a sugary princess and a COMET OF DEATH. And no ring. Plus the bad guy is carved out of Cheez. Anyway, he wrote some actual original stories after that, but whatever. The Dragonstone - Some incredibly tiny elf chick foresees that she has to get a bunch of cliched people/objects together or the world is going to end. Or maybe it will anyway. It's all very confusing. Hel's Crucible Duology -No, that is not a typo. Into The Forge - A halfling goes across the world with a tiny round object that may or may not be able to save the world. Wait, I've heard this one before. Also: elf perverts. Into the Fire - Apparently war is long, boring, and repetitive. Also, the plague may break out at any random time. The Eye of the Hunter Tales of Mithgar The Iron Tower Trilogy - Think Lord of the Rings, but whinier and weirder and with more crying. The Dark Tide Shadows of Doom The Darkest Day Voyage of the Fox Rider - In which elves, dwarves, faeries and a wizard sail around doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. The Silver Call Duology - Originally written as a sequel toLord of the Rings,but when it was shot down by J.R.R. Tolkien's estate, McKiernan turned it into a purely derivative work. Trek to Kraggen-Cor ' The Brega Path Once Upon A Winter's Night - A fairy tale adaptation, with some fairly explicit sex, a Purity Sue and much meanderings around in Faery. Once Upon a Summer's Day - Once Upon an Autumn Eve - Once Upon a Spring Morn - Once Upon a Dreadful Time - Time for happily ever after! Or whatever! Caverns of Socrates- It's got fantasy, but it's actually sci-fi. Eh, just read it. It makes more sense. Think a not-very-good RPG game combined with the off-brand 2001: A Space Odyssey. 'The Halfling House - A supposed tribute to Tolkien that isn't anything of the kind, in which in a lot of tiny people go on an unsatisfying adventure through time and space. What To Read Instead of Dennis L. McKiernan Category:Author Main Category:Dennis L. McKiernan Category:High Fantasy Category:Science Fiction Category:The Dragonstone Category:Once Upon A Winter's Night Category:The Iron Tower Trilogy Category:The Dark Tide Category:Voyage of the Fox Rider Category:The Silver Call Duology Category:Trek to Kraggen-Cor Category:Hel's Crucible Duology Category:Into The Forge Category:Elves Category:Dwarves